June 15, 2014
Madeleine passed away yesterday afternoon. She is finally at peace. She fought so hard, and her body was done. In the end, she was done too. We talked about death, she knew it was coming. She knew that it would be an end to the pain and suffering. A couple hours before she passed she asked us, "how do I die?" I know that she was ready. We were all able to say our goodbyes and our I love yous. When she died Ryan was playing music on the ukelele, and singing to her. I know she liked it.
We are very sad. Even though we have done a lot of grieving throughout this whole process, it's still inconceivable that this has happened. But there is also relief. I know she was miserable during these last few days. I'm so glad that her suffering is over. I'm glad to be done with all the medicine, the oxygen tanks, the feeding supplies, and the worry. The worst has happened and I'm no longer afraid.
Dr. Butros (her oncologist extraordinaire in New Mexico), once told us that she thinks there is hope in death. I didn't understand that (outside of a religious context) until now. There is hope in a life that was loved, there is hope in a spirit that remains with us, and there is hope in being at peace.