January 26, 2014

MRI

When Madeleine was (re)diagnosed eight months ago, and things were very bleak, and very sad, we had an extremely difficult discussion with her oncologist and our social worker, Jessica.  We were told about Madeleine's prognosis, the unlikelihood of her surviving this.  We discussed her treatment plan, but we also discussed hospice care, in case we didn't want to go through with trying to treat her.  After all, the treatment plan was rough.  The prognosis was poor.  The chemo was intense.  It was a lot of suffering, for maybe no payoff in the end.  There were a lot of tears (mine, mostly), and a lot of questions (Ryan's, mostly).  Obviously we chose to treat her.  Somewhere in this discussion (and the point I'm trying to get to) Jessica said to remember that we only have this moment.  Right here.  This moment.  The past is gone, and the future is unpredictable.  All we have is the present.  And we have to live in that present with Madeleine and her sisters.  Even when things look bleak, and sad, and scary.

The MRI results are not good.  It shows significant tumor growth in spite of the MIBG treatment.  We don't have clear results yet because the tumor extends beyond where the MRI was taken.  We don't know yet how much it has regrown.  It is, however, around her aorta, and her renal arteries, again, causing her blood pressure to be high.  This also explains all the pain she has been having.  There is some question about how clear these images actually are because I guess she was moving around a bit during the scan, but with the symptoms that she has been having (high blood pressure, pain, no appetite) it seems pretty obvious that these results are accurate.  There is still a little hope that Dr. Matthay in San Francisco will see something different in this scan, but I doubt it.

We are still waiting for pathology on her bone marrow, but her marrow may actually be clear of disease.  This is good.  The MIBG scan did not show any new spots lighting up....which means, coupled with the MRI, that the tumor has evolved.  This is bad.  It is no longer MIBG avid.  The MIBG therapy did what it was supposed to do and killed off a lot of the tumor that responded to that radioactive isotope.  However, the tumor changed and while still neuroblastoma, is no longer MIBG avid.  I don't think anyone was expecting this to happen.  Our oncologist said that she was shocked when she heard the MRI results because she was expecting something more in line with the bone marrow and MIBG scan results.  We are waiting for a CT and PET scan to be scheduled which will give us a definitive answer to the MRI.

Surgery, stem cell transplant, and immunotherapy are no longer options with disease progression like this.  The doctors are looking into phase 1 trials that Madeleine may be a candidate for.  I know that miracles happen, but phase 1 trials seem like a last ditch effort.  Basically they are looking at mostly untested research options that may or may not have any effect at all.

I don't know what else to say.  The reality of this is crushing.






13 comments:

HaloGolden said...

no words. "I'm sorry" always feels inadequate, at best. only hugs and love in abundance, and a little understanding. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere.

Bree said...

Sending love and strength for all of you.

Sarah A. said...

I love you all and you're in my thoughts and prayers constantly. Please know that.

Andrea GG said...

Sending you all love and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for updating, Amber. I know how difficult this was to write. Mom

Anonymous said...

Amber, Ryan, and the girls are constantly on our thoughts. Halo said it best, there are no words to say. Kyle

Cristina Varela said...

You are all in our thoughts constantly and we're sending lots and lots of love your way!

Danelle said...

Sending you all love!!!! You all continue to be in our thoughts!!!!

April Aymami said...

As everyone else has already said, I have no words. I have read this post probably 20 times, each time hoping the "right" thing to say will miraculously come to me. Please know that even though we don't speak often, you all are _always_ in my thoughts and prayers.

Jake said...

Amber and Ryan, we continue to keep you all in our thoughts and prayers.

Hope said...

I'm so sorry. I'm praying her!

Anonymous said...

Amber & Ryan, you & the girls are in our thoughts every day. Sending you guys our love + hope. xoxo Christy N

Ericka said...

wtf. this is so unfair. I love you guys.